Philosopher King, Oracle (@signalborder) | teapawt

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Philosopher King, Oracle

@signalborder22 Jun 2025

Consider the lilies of the field; They toil not, and while you’re doing that, I will be over here going through your stuff.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

I need to see about 4,000 more political ads and I think I'll be ready to make my decision.

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Marcmywords@Marcmywords23h

Just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean I want you to explain it.

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Herschel Pennymacker@pennymacker3 Dec 2020

My kid wants to be Batman so bad he bought us opera tickets in a bad neighborhood.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

Sometimes people smell toast right before they have a stroke, which is a nice little treat in an uncertain time.

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Enguerrand VII de Coucy

@ingelramdecoucy9h

Reupping this because the McRib is back on the McDonald’s menu so McRib discourse is back on the menu too

Enguerrand VII de Coucy

@ingelramdecoucy3 Dec 2024

The McRib McSux

Image from Enguerrand VII de Coucy (@ingelramdecoucy)

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@signalborder13h

slips packet of forever stamps into stripper’s g-string

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pete griffin@PeteGGriffinOct 28

(pointing to the night sky) and right there kids is the labia minora.

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BOOP@Pettyyyboop30 May 2025

I like to throw soy sauce at sad people. Kikkoman while he’s down.

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@signalborderOct 29

On the ferry to Mackinac Island right now playing The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald on my boombox.

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korpisworld@kwkorpiOct 28

This family has been through enough without you switching mustards.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 28

Just a heads up, you can bring your own gravy into Cracker Barrel, but they will charge you a corking fee.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 27

I took 4 years of Spanish and this Subway sandwich "artist" is tryin to tell me that 'cinco de mayo' does not mean 'five times the mayo.'

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Lowbudgetmofo@LowlowaccountOct 27

Probably just give out fake IDs for Halloween again this year

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Missy Martinez@MissyXMartinezOct 27

Carhartt needs to make bra and panty sets

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@DamonHunzekerOct 27

My favorite part of jury duty right now is looking around and determining who’s guilty of wearing a shirt with buttons for the first time.

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Super 70s Sports

@Super70sSportsOct 27

"I think O.J.'s gonna stab me, Coach." "We ALL think that, Joe. Now get back in the fucking game."

Image from Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports)

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Quarantined Anders@andersjazzOct 27

Ina Garten is shotgunning mirepoix off the roof

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Bummer T. Vibes, Esq@VibesBummerOct 26

Of all the things to make you temporarily oblivious to the horrors around you, you chose to read this.

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@signalborderOct 27

What would you name a fifth horse of the apocalypse? I’m going with Larry.

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@DamonHunzekerOct 24

I didn’t phrase that quite right. “Several” doesn’t mean “more than one,” because two isn’t several. But look at the stupid shit some of you write — I’m leaving it alone.

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