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TWirt

@wirtersblock

I work in advertising. Tweeting is my creative outlet.

twitr.buzz/wirtersblock
Joined June 2008
  • Tweets34.2K
  • Following1.6K
  • Followers2.1K
588Media
Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)Photo by TWirt (@wirtersblock)
I don’t pretend to know what’s happening. I pretend to be on the phone when it’s happening.
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Ginkgo biloba in my tea? No thanks. I'm drinking to forget. – at Oklahoma City, OK
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Child: Mom can I sleep with you? Me: No. I can’t risk whatever you’re scared of following you to my bed.
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Sometimes the wet spot sleeps on you.
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Don't believe my claims of sophistication- I will eventually give myself away by saying "gabbage" or "fridgerator"
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No nudes but I have some bare cupboards you can ogle.
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I have to hang up now, the paramedics are here. Me flirting in my fifties.
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“Wonder how many assholes I’ll have to deal with today” is my first thought upon waking up.
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French roast and raisin toast is the breakfast that I love the most. I need mnemonics to function, which reminds me, what rhymes with flush the toilet?
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I’d rather be alone and naked in a cage than go to a bridal shower.
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The Misanthrope 2; Misanthrope Harder.
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I saw someone's butthole walking to my office this morning and I feel like Twitter adequately prepared me for this.
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just learned from buzzfeed that I should avoid the words "surveillance" and/or "yolo" in a cover letter. well GODDAMMIT
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Turned on the correct stove burner on the first try, I am INVINCIBLE.
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I like my desperation the way I like my western fronts: Quiet.
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I can hear you thinking
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Replying to @wirtersblock @miss_propriety
{quiet violin music} Dear ma: The lovely ladies on my timeline didn't want to see the photographs of my penis. I worry for my future. What will become of me? I fear it all hangs in the balance. Your loving son, Jebediah.
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I only liked half your selfies bc I respect you as a person.
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Don't make me break out my grandma's potato dumpling recipe.
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After taking my house my ex still went bankrupt so I’m here to tell you that the power of positive thinking really works.
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