Chronic pain patients are expected to be sick, but never difficult. Be exhausted, but stay pleasant. Be scared, but don’t sound anxious. Explain your pain, but don’t sound emotional. Ask for help, but don’t ask too firmly. The moment we show frustration, it can become the story. Suddenly the focus shifts from what we’re dealing with to whether we’re being “cooperative” enough. That’s a cruel standard to put on people who are already hurting. We shouldn’t have to perform perfect calm to deserve to be heard.

Oct 11, 2026 · 9:41 AM UTC

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They treat everyone who comes into the hospital, in pain , as drug seekers. It’s disgusting
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🎯
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I felt like the most manipulative person when I had to act like it was my worse day even IF I was having one of my better ones... thankfully that wasnt often but after a few doctors said some very...unkind things...it felt safer than the pain of being told that if others "worse off" could push through...i should be able to too...that tormented me for years. Still does on my worser days cause they are still better than others.🫠
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Oh, Vic, I’m so sorry you were made to feel that way. You should never have had to perform your pain or pretend you were having the worst day just to be believed and treated with kindness. And being told that someone else can push through, so you should be able to too, is such a cruel thing to carry. A better day doesn’t mean you’re not sick or that your pain isn’t real. It just means you got a little breathing room. Sending you so much love. 💜
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Prayers up for comfort for you. Chronic pain wears and wears on your mental nerves..anxiety. one never knows when it is going to end, going to begin with a painful zapping spasm... there is no position of ease, no confidence with activity. You have my empathy, compassion.
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💜🫂
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Yeah, as soon as you get teary eyed, they dump you in the "psych patient" bucket and disregard you completely. 😏
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It’s true…tears make you look more sus in U.S. ER’s. Smdh
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I don’t thank you enough for articulating what we endure so effectively. Much appreciation!
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You’re welcome, my friend. 💜
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Yep, there are days and moments of time where Mr Nice Guy is just not here. I feel bad when I turn into an absolute monster but sometimes, it's really all I have....
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I feel like many ER Clinicians “bait us” into becoming triggered via stressed out, anxious etc. while already in a great deal of physical pain. They use our emotions to point the finger and say “See?! This person is an addict!” It’s fucked up.
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And unfortunately it's not just with the medical community. We often have to tow the line with our own family or friends.
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Add a couple more complex "ailments" to the patient history and suddenly the doctor's office acts as if a terrorist just showed up. Besides being a chronic pain patient I also suffer from childhood onset PTSD stemming from a 5 year ongoing SA relationship with newly adoptive dad. Making things worse, mom thought he was just sick and could be cured with treatment (counseling) and forced us to stay together as a family. Of course he was embarrassed and we had to move away by 1200 miles, leaving my friends, other family and the only support I knew. PTSD is a real killer untreated, but every time I attempted therapy, it got worse, causing me to get violent or to become suicidal. Every single time, including with new therapists. I married at 18, again at 21. My second wife gave up her son to try and keep me calm and happy. That just added to my guilt and trapped me into a relationship when I didn't know what I wanted or needed. The last 2 suicide attempts were very nearly completed, but saved by EMTs in route to the hospital. Pain Management dropped me without any regard to my pain and I had to fight for another to take me on while going through withdrawals. To bring this back on topic, sorry for such a diversion, when I do stand up for myself, the doctors act as though they are ready to call the police sometimes. I don't yell at them, but I have a deep, authoritive voice and when I'm firm it's commanding. Somehow that is viewed as abusive to them. It's my natural voice and me standing up for myself. Yeah, I can get emotional. But, I've never hurt anyone other than myself. I've never given anyone reason to believe any different.
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I feel this at every appointment. Adjust the mask just right on the way in. It’s exhausting in itself😢
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Oh how true. My anxiety was up in the Nursing Home after just being in the hospital. Trying to get someone to “understand” my pain and to use “care” when helping me get in bed etc…ARE THEY REALLY CERTIFIED NURSES OR MEDICAL PEOPLE? My anxiety was nonstop and neither were my tears. That’s a shame. Turns out my Home Health Care is aware of the facility and doesn’t know why they are still opened. The state has gone in and inspected.
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During my stay in hospital this week, a lab tech performed a heart CT in my room. I found myself silently crying, because lying in bed makes my pain worse. The tech offered to call a nurse, but I said no. I had to tell her that they might see my request as drug seeking.
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If you’re too calm you must not be hurting enough.
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Be rich enough and you’re believed 😂
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That reminds me of an example,there are many. After my second total hip replacement surgery, I asked for a lot of ice because I knew from my first one that ice really helped. A nurse put in my chart 👉 “DIFFICULT , kept asking for ice”. 😳 What has happened to health care???????
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So bloody hard. My GP put 3 times as many acupuncture needles in me today and I'm still beside myself
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Word. It feels like you're drowning and everyone around you is critiquing your swimming. I say that to my providers and watch their expressions.
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Also know about your symptoms and conditions but not too much they think you looked it up on Wikipedia.
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I write volumes on this! As a chronic head pressure patient for almost six decades, I have seen the absolute worst of humans in my personal experiences. I thought by now things would have shifted but they have spiraled downward.
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It's a heartbreaking journey for sure. If only we could be met with curiosity and compassion rather than assumption and shame. Beyond the physical cost of chronic illness is the mental and emotional toll we're forced to pay. It's exhausting.
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Beautifully & accurately articulated.
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Literature has a lot to answer to - how many chronically ill or disabled people in literature are always pleasant, kind, and neat?
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Say “I don’t want to talk about it because you cannot comprehend it” but they push and press their own ignorant narrative endlessly. Unhearing.
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You are absolutely right! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had experiences like this. It’s exhausting…
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Really! I was asked "Are you just being stubborn"(about treatments offered that I'd tried a myriad of times before)&"What's this- Copies out of a medical book?"when I sent l my medical records. After I told them they were my Dr records, they never replied.He's out of my life now.
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Recent ER visit I was a bit sleep deprived, tired of explaining stuff and started kind of laughing. Later made me think they didn't take me serious because of this. (Mostly the look on the med student's face got me going.)
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Lets be honest. If we don't perform just so, we are written up in our files as psych patients.
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And we are not supposed to question. I asked my clinician if he was OK, implying that he had some issues to deal with that were hindering his performance. Whew ! He actually went on vacation and came back better. He did look at me sideways that day.
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I am already gearing up for a follow up with my surgeon a month from now. I am having my husband come with me and plan to be as quiet as I can manage and have him advocate for me. I am literally going to make him rehearse the visit with me.
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be all that so they can ignore you and neglect you better
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